Advance Forgiveness

Just forgive this little outburst, okay?

I know we'll be finding out very very soon why Paris Hilton can't seem to tolerate the LA hoosegow like she said she was gonna. Chances are she'll have some kind of 'medical condition' that will be better monitored at home. Sore Vagina Syndrome. Rectal Leakage. Chronic Penile-Induced Uvula Bruising.

My suspicion - based on years of medical training and a close observation of the subject - is much simpler.

I think she's mentally retarded.

And not just a little.

I'm pretty sure she's got the full-blown retardation.

God, I hope she'll be okay.